PIV in NYC

SEX AND THE CITY (1998-2004).  out of all the shows ive included *and* the ones i didnt, this show probably skeeves me out the most: its entire premise is repulsive to me now, now that ive become a PIV-critical radical feminist.  just, ew.  4 single women serially dating in manhattan — the extreme fuckability mandates alone are enough to send me into spasms of revulsion and despair.

on that note, the episode that sticks out to me the most out of all of them (although i dont think ive seen them all, at least not intentionally) is S4E16, where carrie realizes that she cant afford the downpayment on her apartment, and in fact has been utterly unable to save any money at all over time, because shes spent $40,000 on shoes.  and thats just the shoes.

Pictures of unintended children above the marital bed. D’oh.

The SIMPSONS (1989- ).  after 23 seasons, they are *still* making new episodes of this show.  it will not go away.  so lets talk about it!  this was the first primetime “cartoon for adults” that i am aware of, and its very tame compared to the other adult cartoons around today that i cant even watch.  tame as in…subtle i guess?  because it has the same features of PIV-propaganda that all these shows have.  when analyzing misognyny, male entitlement and PIV-centrism in popular culture, even cartoons, clearly its just a matter of degree.  i wont be analyzing childrens cartoons anytime soon though, because im actually scared of what i might find there.

Friends don’t knock each other up.

FRIENDS (1994-2004).  i was watching this show before it was cool, im sorry to say.  and i watched it during and after too.  its a show i love to hate i guess: i wouldnt be friends with any of them (and surely they would despise me) and their idiotic shenannigans are literally painful to watch.  who could forget the one where all the guys mansplain to the women how penetration is the best part of sex and how foreplay is just…fore?  just, ew.

What I like about teh menz

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU (2002-2006).  this one is a little newer than the rest, so doesnt qualify as “classic” television…like, you know, married with children…but its really very charming.  or i used to think so, before i became PIV-critical.  what bothers me most about this show now is probably the fact that it features teenaged girls wearing high-heeled shoes.  i guess coming of age in the 1980s, some of us at least had that going for us: back then, most of the shoes were flat.  but what we lost in heel-height was overly made up for with big hair.  amirght?  who is in charge of fashion around here, anyway?  because its ridiculous.

Amazonian paradise is nice, but male attention is better.

WONDER WOMAN (1975-1979).  ah wonder woman i love you so much!  along with bewitched and buffy, the female-super-hero genre was such a welcome respite from the more blatant woman-hating in every other show (but even these werent feminist).  what i remember most about wonder woman is that it presented an image to me that i had never considered before: a male-free amazonian paradise, where women are free, safe, and happy, and they live in complete peace and order with ample sunshine, trees and water.  seriously, i never even imagined that such a thing was possible, before i saw the depictions of wonder womans native “paradise island” at various points in the show.  if i found an amazonian paradise like this today, i dont think i would ever leave: but wonder woman did leave.  in fact, what we have here is a perfect illustration of the first common theme/criteria of the PIV-centric narrative, where the goal is to “land a man.”

The title is a euphemism for PIV!!!11!1

The FACTS OF LIFE (1979-1988).  the title is a euphemism for PIV.  it is!  and it focuses on the lives of 4 underage girls, and was canceled after the girls got old (and fat).  yes, it had a good run, and yes, that happens to a lot of shows (all of them) that revolve around young children…but its gross mkay? and im not even going to say anything else about it.  the full episode (in 3 parts) entitled “the oldest living graduate” is embedded below.

A very special episode of pelvic inflammatory disease

GIMME A BREAK (1981-1987).  i literally havent seen this show in probably 25 years, but i used to watch it regularly as a child.  while i remember the general themes and the feeling of the show (dating anxiety of the teenaged girls mostly) 1 episode sticks out for me most: the oldest sister being hospitalized for complications from an IUD.  in fact, that episode perfectly illustrates one of our common themes/criteria: normalizing womens reproductive stress and pain.

That’s Hank’s half-brother in the Snuggli

KING OF THE HILL (1997-2010).  king of the hill is the first cartoon-for-grownups i ever got into, besides the simpsons.  and even though the characters arent even real people, the narrative it advances is one of PIV-centrism.  would anyone watch it if it didnt?  im seriously starting to wonder.  i mean really.  can you imagine?

I’m pregnant. No, not by aliens.

The X-FILES (1993-2002).  oh how i love this show.  i loved it when it first came out, and i nostalgically still love it.  i loved scully, i loved how she and mulder interacted and how they never ever hooked up (until they did) and i loved how this show was different than any other show out there.  BUT.  now that i look at it more closely, and ive watched every single episode over the last year or so on my ipod…well the x-files (and all alien-abduction scenarios) is probably the most perfect illustration of one of our common themes/criteria — rape and rape culture — there is.  thats probably why teh menz like the sci-fi so damn much.  but i digress.

Sorry, but I only endanger my wife.

FAMILY TIES (1982-1989).  i havent seen this episode for some 25 years, and i only saw it once, but ive remembered it all this time.  (i didnt remember that the “other woman” was judith light though!)  this woman wants (very badly apparently) to have an “affair” with stephen keaton, the father on family ties.  its the perfect illustration of one of our common themes/criteria: normalizing simulated/exaggerated female pleasure from PIV and PIV-centric sex.

She knows of what she speaks

MARRIED WITH CHILDREN  (1987-1997).  in S05E11 al bundy is trying to figure out how to work a home pregnancy test because hes trying to knock up peg (who doesnt want to be knocked up).  luckily for him, kelly is apparently a skilled chemist and can understand complex concepts and follow directions…but only when it comes to taking home pregnancy tests.  har!

I hate Joss Whedon.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER  (1997-2003).  i hate joss whedon.  let me count the ways.  in S6E18 spike plies anya with alcohol and then has PIV with her on a table.  otherwise known as rape, on a table.  here, anya’s rape is broadcast via video to the rest of the gang as well as the gang of marauding rapists/dumbass incompetent hooligans (buffys “arch nemesises”) who set up the cameras all around town to spy on buffy and the rest.  regarding spike, throughout the series, someone will occasionally call him out on his womanizing or generally unacceptable misogynist behavior (like oh say raping anya in this scene and attempting to rape buffy in another) and spike says “hello!  i’m evil.”  well duh.  spike’s behavior is also barely distinguishable (or completely indistinguishable) from normal average male behavior.

The rabbit is saved. Oh yeah, and so is Margaret’s career.

M*A*S*H  (1972-1983).  in S06E19 margaret has a pregnancy scare: shes married to an officer at the time who surely knew that knocking her up would mean the end of her military career.  how loving of him right?  cause you *know* they were just making love.  as if thats so much better and less risky (for women) than having casual PIV.  and as if its a loving thing to fucking do, perhaps particularly in a time and place where there are no contraceptives, or no access to abortion.  im swooning over all the love here, really.

Going where all men always go

STAR TREK (1966-1969).  the original!  my mother and my best friends mother were addicted to this show, and recorded all of them on BETA.  anyone remember that?  HA!  star trek was interesting and fascinating at the time, and it still is, if you can get past all the PIV-entitlement (and racism).  yeah thats kind of a big “if” but if you want to watch television at all, you have to do what you have to do.

the thing i remember most about star trek was that it was apparently based on the following premise: interspecies “sex” is progressive, and revolutionary.  “sex” with women is the answer to conflicts (mens conflicts with each other); freedom of “sexual expression” is the ultimate freedom.  sex-positivism, in other words.  sound familiar?  i thought so.

Who left *him* in charge?

CHEERS (1982-1993).  this is part of what i remember about cheers, and it doesnt have anything to do with the show: once when i was like 10, my parents went out of town and left us with a young married couple who had completely different television habits than my parents did.  my mom didnt really watch it at all (except for star trek), and my dad particularly liked “the lone ranger” for some reason; and my grandmother once said something disapproving about “that show in a bar.”  the young married couple watched “cheers” and thought “the lone ranger” was terrible.  you can disagree with my parents?  why yes.  yes, you can.

We live together, love each other and sleep together, but we definitely aren’t lesbians

The GOLDEN GIRLS  (1985-1992).  because the golden girls are women who live together, love each other and sleep together (well just that one time) in S7E15 they are featured on a talkshow about lesbians by mistake.  oops!  because unfortunately, “golden girls” was as much about men and PIV-centric sex as it was about anything else (and it pains me to say it, as i love them so!)

blanche was supposed to be the “slut” but the gruesome serial dating of all the “girls” and constant onslaught of PIV-references throughout the show made it brutally clear that this wasnt a show about spinsters or lesbians, it was a show about sexually PIV-active straight women who live together, love each other, and sleep together (but only when the heater goes out).

I’ve been to the doctor, and we’re going to have a baby.

BEWITCHED  (1964-1972).  in S2E01 samanthas “been to the doctor” and guess what?  “we’re going to have a baby!”  were they trying to have a baby?  was birth control and abortion even legal back then?  was marital rape legal too?  — are all questions that come to mind.  interestingly, elizabeth montgomery’s real-life pregnancies affected the show in a way that i seriously doubt would be allowed to happen today: according to an unauthorized biography at “harpie’s bizarre” they filmed the pilot shortly after she realized she was pregnant.

Elaine rations her contraceptive sponges

SEINFELD  (1990-1998).  due to PIV-centric sexuality, elaine needs contraceptives!  and in S7E09, her favorite one, the today sponge, is being taken off the market.  so she buys a case of them from the local drugstore and then has to ration them carefully because whats she going to do when they run out?  this is actually a very terrifying prospect, although its presented as being a banally humorous seinfeldian-style dilemma.

There’s a downside?

THAT 70s SHOW  (1998-2006).  kelso brags to the gang in S6E03 about having PIV with an unattainable woman in a concert bathroom, but they dont believe him because hes an idiot and a liar.  when the woman shows up at their hangout and announces that shes pregnant, kelso insists “i never touched her!”  how rapetastic!  its a little late to invoke the he-said/she-said after hes already told the truth, but apparently the details escape him.

Roseanne’s period is 9 days late

ROSEANNE  (1988-1997).  as a result of PIV-centric sexuality, roseanne has a “pregnancy scare” in S3E01: her period is a full 9.  days.  late.  and she has only been “late” before 3 times in her entire life: when she was pregnant before with each of her 3 kids.  in this episode, we learn that third child “DJ” was unplanned, and its probably fair to assume that her first child was too.  we know from a later episode that roseanne and dan have been together since roseanne was 15 years old.